Sure…it’s seasoned…
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The other day, I am pulling into the Kroger parking lot to make a quick milk (and ice cream even though it was not on the list) run for my wife. In my search for that up close spot that is 5 feet away from that spot that is just too far away, I go down my favorite isle to find a parking spot right towards the front! It’s my lucky day! I don’t have to exert the extra energy that it takes to walk 20 feet thanks to this incredibly close white line, rectangle home for my truck. I turn the corner and what do I find? A grocery cart sitting in the middle of the parking spot.
You have to be freaking kidding me? What is it about people that make them believe that this kind of behavior in a modern society is acceptable? Why do they think that they are so incredibly awesome that the rules of normal grocery cart usage does not apply to them? Do they really think it is ok to leave their empty grocery cart in a parking spot and drive away when the kind people at Kroger have made a metal enclosure built for grocery cart containment just 15 feet away from your parking spot? To make matters worse…the grocery store has made MULTIPLE stations that their sole purpose is to contain these roll-able, car denting, space taking carts so that you do not have to make your lazy ass walk too far away from your motor vehicle.
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The ATM is a modern marvel. Now…the lucky consumer can walk or drive up to this incredible machine, insert a plastic card and cash pops out quickly and easily! Its really amazing if you think about it. The idea is getting eager, cash spenders out of the bank and into their own self-checkout line to handle simple tasks that normally clogged the system inside the precious doors of the bank. Where else can you go and get cash that easily…or at least it is supposed to be…
The Infamous ATM Waiting Line
Why is it that we have this incredible machine that is supposed to make our lives easier in search of the incredible green paper that brings us happiness only to find frustration and disappointment as we continually have to deal with individuals who can’t seem to think?! It never fails…every time I run to the ATM to pull out a Jackson or two…there is one of two people at the ATM who decide to hold up the entire line…making what should have been a quick trip that brought money bliss into a frustrating 20 minute long event. [read entire rant...]
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Question: What is the only job on this planet that you can be wrong 99.9% of the time and not get fired?
Answer: A Weatherman
It amazes me on a daily basis. How can you be so wrong and get paid so well of it? Rewind to 1993. The northern half of the state of Georgia is enjoying a regular week in March. Like most winter/spring transitions in the southeast United States, there is NO SNOW. We are lucky to get even enough to dust the ground during the winter…much less anything that actually sticks. The weatherman on March 12th forecasts light rain as we head into the night. What do we wake up to the next morning? One of the largest blizzards in the countries history! Not even close man! Seriously?
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I am browsing through my Facebook miscellaneous time wasters the other day and as I am checking out the status time line to see who is doing what. All of the sudden, I see something very strange in the right sidebar. Do you want to become a fan of sleeping? Interesting…who isn’t a fan of sleeping? At some point in time in our lives we are all a fan of sleeping. It seems kind of odd to have a whole page dedicated to all that is sleep and its pure greatness in this world. I didn’t think much of it and moved on to commenting random thoughts of pure genius on other people’s wall o’ thoughts.
Again, I come back to the home screen to check on more status updates because in our instant information world…we have to know what everyone is doing right then or we will lose our freakin’ minds. On my right column there is a new box…do you want to become a fan of Jesus? Are you serious? Did Jesus really come down and say…
You know what? I am having kind of a slow day. I’ll create a Facebook fan page!
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We all know this kind…the one that would rather do it himself than have someone that actually knows what they are doing complete the job. He asks you on a regular basis “why pay someone else when I can do it myself? How hard could it be?” This master plumber, electrician, auto mechanic and wood worker would rather do the job 5 times wrong spending 3 times as much money than suck up his pride for 3 freakin’ seconds and pay someone to do the job correctly or actually take the time and effort to ask someone who knows what they are doing. This ingenious worker really does believe that a 12 pack of Budweiser and a little elbow grease can conquer even the most difficult jobs without the aid of actual knowledge of the subject at hand. It doesn’t have to last for forever…just long enough to show the wife that I was actually smart enough to complete the job! I’ll show her who the man in the house is! How dare she roll her eyes at me and say, “yeah…suuuureeee you can do it. I’ll get the yellow pages ready…”
[read entire rant...]
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I am going to piss off just about every cat owner out there with this article…but I DON’T CARE! I hate your outside cat! Last night, I am sitting with my wife trying to enjoy a nice dinner. Our two Boxers are blissfully playing in our fenced in backyard…did I mention it was fenced in? Ok…just making sure. All of the sudden, my 75 pound male, Hans, is losing his f’in mind. He is barking and running all over the backyard. As I walk outside to see what all of the ruckus is about and to stop him from barking (I am one of those neighbors who KEEPS his dogs from annoying everyone else in the ‘hood), I notice that he is now jumping on the fence that he doesn’t think he can clear! You know…because the reason we have a fenced in backyard is to keep our pets from annoying/bothering/etc. the rest of the neighborhood.
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No…I am not talking about the fantastic meat substitute that we have all grown to know and love. I am talking about those despicable lines of text that grace everyone of our email boxes, blog comment sections, mailboxes and any other information sources on a daily basis. These spammers, with no sense of human dignity, plague everything that is right in the world by completely shoving useless information, links and product pitches down the throat of uninterested readers on a daily basis. What makes you think that I need Viagra? Or that I want 463 emails telling me how great your price is? No…I didn’t know that I inherited a whole pile of money somewhere in Africa! All you need is all of my personal information and you will send it right over?! Sweet! It must be my lucky day because I also won a European lottery that I didn’t even know I entered!!!
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It actually annoys me that I am even writing this piece of filth…but I’ll do it anyway because it has a bigger meaning…I promise. Britney Spears needs to just go away. We have all seen her escapades, bad music and general bad taste for long enough. Britney Spears actually proves the theory that you can “take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl.” At this point, she is nothing more than a leach on society and her mere existence is categorized by the general public’s need to watch horrific train wrecks. She hasn’t put out a single song in longer than I can remember that actually has any talent or worth. If it wasn’t for her name, it wouldn’t have even been signed to a record deal.
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You know the voice well…it’s the friendly, computerized woman on the other end of the line that is going to peacefully guide you through the never ending maze of your favorite automated phone menu system. Yes…as you listen to this friendly voice tell you to press 4 to go no where, you start to get irate at a person that doesn’t actually exist! So why do companies send you through this endless crusade to see if you can actually touch every button on your phone during a single phone call? To take away from the customer service experience…dwindling down the agents that can ACTUALLY HELP YOU to the point that they are overworked, underpaid and now…unreachable!
This ultra smart computerized menu system has no clue what you actually need. To make matters worse, many of these systems are voice activated through keywords that it can’t understand when you are…you know…out in public where there is background noise!
[read entire rant...]
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