You know the voice well…it’s the friendly, computerized woman on the other end of the line that is going to peacefully guide you through the never ending maze of your favorite automated phone menu system. Yes…as you listen to this friendly voice tell you to press 4 to go no where, you start to get irate at a person that doesn’t actually exist! So why do companies send you through this endless crusade to see if you can actually touch every button on your phone during a single phone call? To take away from the customer service experience…dwindling down the agents that can ACTUALLY HELP YOU to the point that they are overworked, underpaid and now…unreachable!

This ultra smart computerized menu system has no clue what you actually need. To make matters worse, many of these systems are voice activated through keywords that it can’t understand when you are…you know…out in public where there is background noise!

Computerized Beauty: “If you need need help with your claim, please say claim department.”

You: “Claim Department”

Computerized Beauty: “From your answer, you need the New Customer Sign Up Department, if this is correct…say yes…if this is incorrect…say no”

You: “No”

Computerized Beauty: “Please speak the department that you need assistance with”

You: “Claim Department”

Computerized Beauty: “You have selected Account Management. If this is correct…say yes…if this is incorrect…say no”

You: “AAAAHHHHH! Just give me the f’in claim department!!!!!”

Computerized Beauty: “We did not understand your selection. Please repeat the department in which you need assistance.”

It never fails, in corporate America’s attempt to become more efficient they completely mess up the entire system and find a way to create a more expensive, less effienct alternative! Well…I take some of that back…it is cheaper…