whatannoys.me

The other day, I am pulling into the Kroger parking lot to make a quick milk (and ice cream even though it was not on the list) run for my wife. In my search for that up close spot that is 5 feet away from that spot that is just too far away, I go down my favorite isle to find a parking spot right towards the front! It’s my lucky day! I don’t have to exert the extra energy that it takes to walk 20 feet thanks to this incredibly close white line, rectangle home for my truck. I turn the corner and what do I find? A grocery cart sitting in the middle of the parking spot.

You have to be freaking kidding me? What is it about people that make them believe that this kind of behavior in a modern society is acceptable? Why do they think that they are so incredibly awesome that the rules of normal grocery cart usage does not apply to them? Do they really think it is ok to leave their empty grocery cart in a parking spot and drive away when the kind people at Kroger have made a metal enclosure built for grocery cart containment just 15 feet away from your parking spot? To make matters worse…the grocery store has made MULTIPLE stations that their sole purpose is to contain these roll-able, car denting, space taking carts so that you do not have to make your lazy ass walk too far away from your motor vehicle.

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The ATM is a modern marvel. Now…the lucky consumer can walk or drive up to this incredible machine, insert a plastic card and cash pops out quickly and easily! Its really amazing if you think about it. The idea is getting eager, cash spenders out of the bank and into their own self-checkout line to handle simple tasks that normally clogged the system inside the precious doors of the bank. Where else can you go and get cash that easily…or at least it is supposed to be…

The Infamous ATM Waiting Line

Why is it that we have this incredible machine that is supposed to make our lives easier in search of the incredible green paper that brings us happiness only to find frustration and disappointment as we continually have to deal with individuals who can’t seem to think?! It never fails…every time I run to the ATM to pull out a Jackson or two…there is one of two people at the ATM who decide to hold up the entire line…making what should have been a quick trip that brought money bliss into a frustrating 20 minute long event. (more…)

Question: What is the only job on this planet that you can be wrong 99.9% of the time and not get fired?

Answer: A Weatherman

It amazes me on a daily basis. How can you be so wrong and get paid so well of it? Rewind to 1993. The northern half of the state of Georgia is enjoying a regular week in March. Like most winter/spring transitions in the southeast United States, there is NO SNOW. We are lucky to get even enough to dust the ground during the winter…much less anything that actually sticks. The weatherman on March 12th forecasts light rain as we head into the night. What do we wake up to the next morning? One of the largest blizzards in the countries history! Not even close man! Seriously?

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I am going to piss off just about every cat owner out there with this article…but I DON’T CARE! I hate your outside cat! Last night, I am sitting with my wife trying to enjoy a nice dinner. Our two Boxers are blissfully playing in our fenced in backyard…did I mention it was fenced in? Ok…just making sure. All of the sudden, my 75 pound male, Hans, is losing his f’in mind. He is barking and running all over the backyard. As I walk outside to see what all of the ruckus is about and to stop him from barking (I am one of those neighbors who KEEPS his dogs from annoying everyone else in the ‘hood), I notice that he is now jumping on the fence that he doesn’t think he can clear! You know…because the reason we have a fenced in backyard is to keep our pets from annoying/bothering/etc. the rest of the neighborhood.

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You know the voice well…it’s the friendly, computerized woman on the other end of the line that is going to peacefully guide you through the never ending maze of your favorite automated phone menu system. Yes…as you listen to this friendly voice tell you to press 4 to go no where, you start to get irate at a person that doesn’t actually exist! So why do companies send you through this endless crusade to see if you can actually touch every button on your phone during a single phone call? To take away from the customer service experience…dwindling down the agents that can ACTUALLY HELP YOU to the point that they are overworked, underpaid and now…unreachable!

This ultra smart computerized menu system has no clue what you actually need. To make matters worse, many of these systems are voice activated through keywords that it can’t understand when you are…you know…out in public where there is background noise!
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I have to give credit where credit is due. Whoever thought up of this idea is a genius if you really think about it. Let’s take the average consumer and convince them that is it a great idea to do a job that we used to do for them! You go through your local grocery store picking up your favorite food items of the week. You notice that you do not have that many processed food fun, so you head to this glorious area known as the self checkout line. In this marvelous area, you get to play checkout clerk! You know…that hourly wage, high school job that you always wanted but never had. So you go up and wait in line at this fantastic source of personal fulfillment and realize that there are others…just like you…that want to partake in the joy of doing a job that you have zero experience in!

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Ahhh…your local expert on everything. You know this individual very well. He honestly believes that no matter what room he is in…he is the smartest man in that room on everything. Have a subject that you think he can’t handle? Ha! He laughs in the face of your stupidity with completely wrong facts and figures that he is going to convince you are real and true. There is no subject on this Earth that he can’t handle. This self proclaimed expert has the arrogance and ego that only a man of his stature can possess. Only a man as great as he has the right to think this highly of himself. How dare you question is reasoning or thoughts? Don’t you realize that you are at the bottom of the totem pole? This man is so good that he doesn’t need experience, knowledge or a brain cell to be right…he is just blessed with all knowing knowledge about everything!

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This situation blows my mind every time I am presented with such blatant rudeness out of an employee. This morning, I headed out to a Wal-Mart in Brevard, NC. I had to pick up a couple of simple things for my afternoon…2 gig SD card and some Energizer Lithium AAA batteries. Sounds easy right? This should be a simple, painless task no matter which Wal-Mart you visit in the continental United States…wrong! Why? Because the cashier that IS PAID to do her job decided that she didn’t really want to work this morning. It doesn’t matter that she being paid to be there and perform a service. She would rather continue blowing gigantic gum bubbles and pretend that you…the customer…is not even there!

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I was sitting with some friends outside of Wild Wing one night last year when I saw the infamous…I can find a closer spot driver. This guy…who obviously thought very highly of is Nissan 350Z…circled the parking lot over 14 times before finally settling in and parking his fine piece of automotive genius (j/k to all of you 350Z owners…its a cool car…just not quite “I need to take up multiple spots” cool). This is an example of a driver who just can’t stop until they find a parking spot closer to the front door. At least…in this instance…I can at least relate. We try to park close when we have the bikes racked to prevent theft, so maybe he just wanted to make sure that no one was going to scratch his precious baby.

The version of this driver that completely annoys me is the lazy driver. It’s that driver who just can’t stand walking 4 spots more to the front door. They hate it so much that they will waste 20 minutes of their day looking for this fabulous, perfect parking spot when they could have parked 5 spaces down and would have already been in the store! It cracks me up every time. Are you seriously that lazy that you can’t stand walking that much farther? Is it really that important to you to find a closer spot that you will waste 15 minutes to find something that saves you 30 seconds? (more…)

To the ladies out there, you may never have to worry about this one, but for us guys…there is always that one guy who decides that the perfect time to strike up conversation is while you are doing your business.

So there you are…relieving yourself of your daily liquid intake. You are probably thinking about the tasks of the day, where you want to go next or just thankful that you made it to the restroom on time. You hear the door open and another man in search of self release enters the restroom. It might be a crowded restroom day or you are the only two performing this function at this point in time…regardless…it doesn’t matter. Without even skipping a beat, this guy picks out his urinal of choice, gets started doing his thing and then it comes…”Hey man, how’s it going?” (more…)