We all  know this kind…the one that would rather do it himself than have someone that actually knows what they are doing complete the job. He asks you on a regular basis “why pay someone else when I can do it myself? How hard could it be?” This master plumber, electrician, auto mechanic and wood worker would rather do the job 5 times wrong spending 3 times as much money than suck up his pride for 3 freakin’ seconds and pay someone to do the job correctly or actually take the time and effort to ask someone who knows what they are doing. This ingenious worker really does believe that a 12 pack of Budweiser and a little elbow grease can conquer even the most difficult jobs without the aid of actual knowledge of the subject at hand. It doesn’t have to last for forever…just long enough to show the wife that I was actually smart enough to complete the job! I’ll show her who the man in the house is! How dare she roll her eyes at me and say, “yeah…suuuureeee you can do it. I’ll get the yellow pages ready…”

The Story Behind This Rant

So we bought this house…it is a great house and I am happy with 99.9% of it. We had a incredible inspection done before purchasing (by the head of the inspection agency) so the vitals are all correct and in tact. I would not have even bought the house if I thought there was something wrong with it or if it was going to be more than a slight annoyance that I would have to fix. There are just a couple of things…especially in the garage…that you look at with one of those WTF moments. What the hell was he thinking when he did this? Are you serious? You call these cabinets? Why are there 30 joints in a 9 foot stretch of copper tube?! Running wiring on the outside of drywall? That doesn’t even make sense! Time to gut and start over!

It is my belief that you should have a license to do it yourself. There should be some sort of test that you have to pass before you can purchase more than 5 tools at one time or any tool above $100. That way…when someone goes to actually use whatever you have tried to ruin, the damage will not be as bad as it could be. There is absolutely nothing more annoying that having to redo the work of others and this would be drastically reduced with the introduction of a do-it-yourself’er test. I can only imagine what experts think when these do-it-yourself experts have them fix what they have spent hours messing up. Once you pass the test…you are good to go! If you fail…no tools for you! And no…if you fail the test, you can not park in the handicap parking spots at Home Depot, so don’t even ask!

I am going to piss off just about every cat owner out there with this article…but I DON’T CARE! I hate your outside cat! Last night, I am sitting with my wife trying to enjoy a nice dinner. Our two Boxers are blissfully playing in our fenced in backyard…did I mention it was fenced in? Ok…just making sure. All of the sudden, my 75 pound male, Hans, is losing his f’in mind. He is barking and running all over the backyard. As I walk outside to see what all of the ruckus is about and to stop him from barking (I am one of those neighbors who KEEPS his dogs from annoying everyone else in the ‘hood), I notice that he is now jumping on the fence that he doesn’t think he can clear! You know…because the reason we have a fenced in backyard is to keep our pets from annoying/bothering/etc. the rest of the neighborhood.

What could be causing all of this mess? An outside cat! Of course! There is a cat on the top of my fence post that is a pet of someone else in the neighborhood, and it is driving my dogs…who are in their own backyard…absolutely crazy. Why on earth do people get a pet and then expect the rest of the world to just put up with it? What makes them think that I wanted a cat as a pet too? I don’t want a cat as a pet. If I wanted a cat, I would have gone out and got one! Instead…YOUR CAT is in MY FENCED IN BACKYARD causing problems! To make matters worse…I am allergic to cats! So you can understand my frustration when your cat wants to call my house home!

When you decide to have a pet, you take that on the responsibility to make sure that your pet does not annoy the rest of the neighborhood. We don’t live in a farm out in the middle of no where that pets can just roam free without causing major problems. We live in a busy neighborhood in the ‘burbs of Atlanta (have to use a little ‘hotlanta lingo every now and then!). You are lucky that I have enough of a conscience that I don’t let my two Boxers eat your cat! Instead…I now have to interrupt my nice dinner by taking the dogs inside and shoo off your “pet” from my backyard.

Now…I know there are a select few dog people out there that make their dogs the top of the world and a very few amount of those let their dogs roam around like they own the place. However, what is it about cat owners that make them think it is ok to let their cats just roam all over the place? Every neighborhood I have ever lived in has had several outside cats that call the entire place home. The madness has to stop! There is no such thing as an outside or inside cat! You got a pet…now act like it!

Ahhh…your local expert on everything. You know this individual very well. He honestly believes that no matter what room he is in…he is the smartest man in that room on everything. Have a subject that you think he can’t handle? Ha! He laughs in the face of your stupidity with completely wrong facts and figures that he is going to convince you are real and true. There is no subject on this Earth that he can’t handle. This self proclaimed expert has the arrogance and ego that only a man of his stature can possess. Only a man as great as he has the right to think this highly of himself. How dare you question is reasoning or thoughts? Don’t you realize that you are at the bottom of the totem pole? This man is so good that he doesn’t need experience, knowledge or a brain cell to be right…he is just blessed with all knowing knowledge about everything!

The most dangerous part about these extremely talented and intelligent individuals is that…in most cases…they know a little bit about nothing. That’s right…these same people that believe they are the smartest people in every room…most likely…are the dumbest! They have zero experience, knowledge or results on anything they ever talk about! I truly believe that their ego and arrogance steps in and doesn’t let them ever be unknowing. These same people are making uneducated decisions in life and the workplace. Most likely…they are too proud to ever ask for help and if you even hint that they are doing it wrong or that they may need help…then they are on a mission to prove you wrong and incompetent in some other area to relieve the heat off themselves.

These “experts on the world” rarely complete tasks or come up with any idea that works. They will…however…steal your idea as their own and run to the first person they can find and take credit! How nice of them…now you can do all of the work still and they get the “great job” from the boss for coming up with such a fantastic idea!!!

So…what do we do with these self proclaimed experts in every field? Misinformation…

The quickest way to get any self proclaimed expert off your back is by using misinformation. You see…everything you tell these genius minds has to be played off as their own, so if you give them things like made up works, incorrect procedures or random untrue facts, they are going to play these ideas as their own and look like a complete idiot in the process! Will this stop their arrogance and ego? Hell no…but it will keep them off your back for awhile and give you a nice laugh when you hear your made up word come up in conversation. After all…they can’t blame you because they are the expert on everything!

This situation blows my mind every time I am presented with such blatant rudeness out of an employee. This morning, I headed out to a Wal-Mart in Brevard, NC. I had to pick up a couple of simple things for my afternoon…2 gig SD card and some Energizer Lithium AAA batteries. Sounds easy right? This should be a simple, painless task no matter which Wal-Mart you visit in the continental United States…wrong! Why? Because the cashier that IS PAID to do her job decided that she didn’t really want to work this morning. It doesn’t matter that she being paid to be there and perform a service. She would rather continue blowing gigantic gum bubbles and pretend that you…the customer…is not even there!

Now…let me start this story with one very clear fact. I am an excellent customer. Why…you ask? I walk through the door of Wal-Mart knowing exactly what I need and exactly where to find it. I am not a customer that is filled with thousands of meaningless questions in the search of all-knowing knowledge. I am also not that customer that has all the answers and feels the need to educate the employees on my vast greatness of superior intellect. I am that simple customer that knows what he wants and would like to get in and out as quickly and easily as possible. In today’s instant gratification society…I don’t think that is too much to ask.

So here I am…you model customer that you wish and pray on a daily basis that there would be more of in this world…walking to the electronics department of Wal-Mart. I find my batteries in the freestanding battery stand (where they always are) and I head to the photo section for the memory card. This is where the whole experience starts.

Upon further inspection of the memory card placeholders, it was evident that this Wal-Mart kept the memory cards behind the photo counter. I politely handed the display card to the lady in the electronics section and asked if she could get one for me. Grabbing the card out of my hand with a loud exhale, this model employee blew a HUGE gum bubble, popped it and headed behind the counter. With a HUGE amount of attitude, she asked, “Are you sure this is the one you want?” No…I gave you the one I didn’t want just to quiz you to see if you could read my mind. Yes…that is the one I want! Why would I give it to you if it wasn’t?! Instead of losing my cool, I politely said “Yep…that’s the one.”

She basically throws the correct card in my hand and walks off. I then…when I should have just quit while I was behind…asked another truly invading, inappropriate question to this paid employee…”Can I check out right here?” Ah…that just ruined her morning. With a huge gasp she said…”Yes…I guess so.” She blows more HUGE bubbles and starts to check me out with my overload of two items. What happens after I use my card to check out that requires absolutely no effort on her end? The receipt prints out…and she just walks off…leaving my receipt hanging from the machine and my bag behind the counter. Are you serious??? I have to do this myself!

I don’t think I am asking too much of this attitude filled, PAID employee. Is it really too much to ask these days to expect people to do their job? Are we really to the point where it is a favor to the customer to do what is expected of you? If I was the manager of that Wal-Mart, I would consider that kind of action grounds for termination…

This has to be my #1 most annoying thing right now. How the hell did a woman like this ever get even the chance to have this many children (14 total)??!! She couldn’t even afford the kids she already had! Now…she is spending our hard earned tax money that we slave day in and day out to pay to the government to fuel her insanity. I don’t need a job to take care of all of these kids…I’ll just beg and have the government pay for it! Fantastic idea! Take hard working people’s money!

You have probably already read all of the headlines and news stories about the request for donations and other madness surrounding this waste of space, leach on society, so I am not going to bore you with the details of events you already know. I am going to tell you the two reasons that this waste of a life annoys me the most which hasn’t been publicly announced as far as I can find. Every news story so far has centered around her website (don’t ask for the link) and her want to buy new things with all of her government money.

Why this waste of space annoys infuriates me…

1. The kids of this psychopath had no choice in who their mother was. In the end, they are all going to end up being more products of the system and hopefully…10% of them will actually enter into homes that will be beneficial to their lives. The rest are going to be another statistic which is extremely sad. And why are we going to have more children put into government placement programs? Because one dumb bitch wanted more kids for no f’in reason and a doctor with no competence on what life actually means…did the procedure.
2. Now…the thing that annoys me the most about this woman who is breathing oxygen that could be used by other productive members of society…but instead it is wasted on her worthless being…is that there are couples out there that would give everything they have at even getting the chance to have children of their own. They would mortgage there house, sell all of their possessions, dance at a trucker convention or do anything else just for the chance to bear children. Then…this piece of human garbage…parades around the news with total and complete stupidity. It is a slap in the face to all of those couples out there who would be incredible parents.

There should be something put in place to make sure that this train wreck never happens again. The doctor who actually did the procedure should be stripped of all licenses and strung up in a tree for the rest of his life. Of course…I am just fueling the madness by posting about it. It really needs to be just dealt with and go away so the rest of us can go back to worrying about politics, the economy, what we want for lunch, when we have to take our next piss…