whatannoys.me

The other day, I am pulling into the Kroger parking lot to make a quick milk (and ice cream even though it was not on the list) run for my wife. In my search for that up close spot that is 5 feet away from that spot that is just too far away, I go down my favorite isle to find a parking spot right towards the front! It’s my lucky day! I don’t have to exert the extra energy that it takes to walk 20 feet thanks to this incredibly close white line, rectangle home for my truck. I turn the corner and what do I find? A grocery cart sitting in the middle of the parking spot.

You have to be freaking kidding me? What is it about people that make them believe that this kind of behavior in a modern society is acceptable? Why do they think that they are so incredibly awesome that the rules of normal grocery cart usage does not apply to them? Do they really think it is ok to leave their empty grocery cart in a parking spot and drive away when the kind people at Kroger have made a metal enclosure built for grocery cart containment just 15 feet away from your parking spot? To make matters worse…the grocery store has made MULTIPLE stations that their sole purpose is to contain these roll-able, car denting, space taking carts so that you do not have to make your lazy ass walk too far away from your motor vehicle.

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I am browsing through my Facebook miscellaneous time wasters the other day and as I am checking out the status time line to see who is doing what. All of the sudden, I see something very strange in the right sidebar. Do you want to become a fan of sleeping? Interesting…who isn’t a fan of sleeping? At some point in time in our lives we are all a fan of sleeping. It seems kind of odd to have a whole page dedicated to all that is sleep and its pure greatness in this world. I didn’t think much of it and moved on to commenting random thoughts of pure genius on other people’s wall o’ thoughts.

Again, I come back to the home screen to check on more status updates because in our instant information world…we have to know what everyone is doing right then or we will lose our freakin’ minds. On my right column there is a new box…do you want to become a fan of Jesus? Are you serious? Did Jesus really come down and say…

You know what? I am having kind of a slow day. I’ll create a Facebook fan page!

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We all  know this kind…the one that would rather do it himself than have someone that actually knows what they are doing complete the job. He asks you on a regular basis “why pay someone else when I can do it myself? How hard could it be?” This master plumber, electrician, auto mechanic and wood worker would rather do the job 5 times wrong spending 3 times as much money than suck up his pride for 3 freakin’ seconds and pay someone to do the job correctly or actually take the time and effort to ask someone who knows what they are doing. This ingenious worker really does believe that a 12 pack of Budweiser and a little elbow grease can conquer even the most difficult jobs without the aid of actual knowledge of the subject at hand. It doesn’t have to last for forever…just long enough to show the wife that I was actually smart enough to complete the job! I’ll show her who the man in the house is! How dare she roll her eyes at me and say, “yeah…suuuureeee you can do it. I’ll get the yellow pages ready…”
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It actually annoys me that I am even writing this piece of filth…but I’ll do it anyway because it has a bigger meaning…I promise. Britney Spears needs to just go away. We have all seen her escapades, bad music and general bad taste for long enough. Britney Spears actually proves the theory that you can “take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl.” At this point, she is nothing more than a leach on society and her mere existence is categorized by the general public’s need to watch horrific train wrecks. She hasn’t put out a single song in longer than I can remember that actually has any talent or worth. If it wasn’t for her name, it wouldn’t have even been signed to a record deal.

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I have to give credit where credit is due. Whoever thought up of this idea is a genius if you really think about it. Let’s take the average consumer and convince them that is it a great idea to do a job that we used to do for them! You go through your local grocery store picking up your favorite food items of the week. You notice that you do not have that many processed food fun, so you head to this glorious area known as the self checkout line. In this marvelous area, you get to play checkout clerk! You know…that hourly wage, high school job that you always wanted but never had. So you go up and wait in line at this fantastic source of personal fulfillment and realize that there are others…just like you…that want to partake in the joy of doing a job that you have zero experience in!

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A new disease is sweeping the nation. As you look around the room, you may be able to see it spreading as you read. You might even be engaging in the spread of this virus as you read this post on your phone while others are breathing and interacting around you. This new disease that is sweeping America The World is the Phone Addiction.

What is the phone addiction? Do you have friends that would rather type away texting, emailing or web browsing instead of spending quality time with their friends  or family? Are you ignoring those around you to read this incredibly interesting post on daily annoyances on your phone totally unaware of what is going on around you? Is someone in the room texting another person in that same room?! Then you might have been affected by the disease known as Phone Addiction. (more…)

This has to be my #1 most annoying thing right now. How the hell did a woman like this ever get even the chance to have this many children (14 total)??!! She couldn’t even afford the kids she already had! Now…she is spending our hard earned tax money that we slave day in and day out to pay to the government to fuel her insanity. I don’t need a job to take care of all of these kids…I’ll just beg and have the government pay for it! Fantastic idea! Take hard working people’s money!

You have probably already read all of the headlines and news stories about the request for donations and other madness surrounding this waste of space, leach on society, so I am not going to bore you with the details of events you already know. I am going to tell you the two reasons that this waste of a life annoys me the most which hasn’t been publicly announced as far as I can find. Every news story so far has centered around her website (don’t ask for the link) and her want to buy new things with all of her government money. (more…)

A friend of mine and I were tweeting (you can follow this site @whatannoys_me) the other day about the huge annoyances we run into throughout the day, and this one brought some great laughs. The popped collar is one of those fashion trends that needs to die a slow and painful death. Seriously…who the hell even though of something so ridiculous as making your shirt collar point up? What evil genius thought…you know how I can make people walk around looking like complete idiots and at the same time they think they look like the coolest kid on the block? I know…I’ll make them put their collar to their shirt straight up in the air! Genius!!

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Initially, I considered this bluster to be a factor of everyday life and likewise; have accepted it as a common ground amongst my peers.  But let’s not stray from the point too quickly!  When you hit up your friend, neighbor, or coworker and hear the statement, “Hey!  Leave a detailed message and I will return your call as soon as I am able,” from their voice mail greeting, why do you insist on not keeping up with your end of the arrangement.

Naturally, one might question my tact and logic behind the question, “keep up with your end of the deal,” but it is very simple.  When you call my personal cell phone or land line, you typically hear something to the effect of, “You have reached the voice mailbox of Justin Shattuck and I am currently unable to accept your call; however if you would leave me a detailed message including:  your telephone number, name, best method for getting back in touch with you; and any other important details concerning your call, I will get back to you at my earliest convenience.”

Seems simple enough right?  I am asking you for a specific amount of information and I am giving you a nice outline for educating yourself during future phone relationships that end up with your petty self in their voice mail box.  You are likely receiving my voice mail because I do not wish to speak to you — in fact I am actually busy is unlikely.  But, let’s for the sake of argument simply say that I am busy.  So what do you do?  It is supposed to be as simple as you leaving me your damn name, phone number, email address, or even a postal address to write you back.  If you left me a message stating that the best contact method to reach you was via snail mail, I would respect that. (more…)

This is one of those annoying things that I am elated that I never have to do again. First dates are one of the most annoying things on the planet. Recently, I was sitting in Starbucks just typing away on my MacBook Pro when I noticed a couple sitting several chairs away from me. This couple was obviously not too far away from the “hi, my name is Frank” stage. All of the uncomfortable first date signs were there.

• Random stupid questions like “so what do you do?”
• The man could not get comfortable and find his “I look cool by sitting like this” pose. Instead he was trying to figure out where to put his hands…which came off as looking uncomfortable.
• She could not get that “I’m really listening” smile off her face. I think it was actually stuck there for the rest of the night.
• Continuous small talk that had no real destination.
• I am pretty sure both of them were shaking uncontrollably.
• Fake interest in subjects that they have no experience in to keep the conversation running.

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