To the ladies out there, you may never have to worry about this one, but for us guys…there is always that one guy who decides that the perfect time to strike up conversation is while you are doing your business.

So there you are…relieving yourself of your daily liquid intake. You are probably thinking about the tasks of the day, where you want to go next or just thankful that you made it to the restroom on time. You hear the door open and another man in search of self release enters the restroom. It might be a crowded restroom day or you are the only two performing this function at this point in time…regardless…it doesn’t matter. Without even skipping a beat, this guy picks out his urinal of choice, gets started doing his thing and then it comes…”Hey man, how’s it going?”

Are you serious? Can’t you see I am busy?! What on God’s green Earth makes you think that I want to have a full blown conversation with a complete stranger while I am holding myself going to the bathroom? I had my blank stare at the wall already going and I might have even progressed to the glaring at the ceiling pose. Both of these body language gestures point to the fact that I do not want to strike up causal urinal conversation. To make matters worse, this public restroom conversation starter want eye contact while you are engaging in this act of total bewilderment. Gross! Why the hell are you not looking forward? Proper men’s public restroom etiquette is to look forward at all times. There is no reason to look side to side at all. Are we really that close after only knowing each other a total of 4 seconds? I don’t know if I ever want to be that close to someone that we feel comfortable enough to talk during excretion.

To all of those public restroom urinal talkers, please be a little bit more patient. I have no problem with small talk during the washing of the hands point in sequence. During that time, we can even have conversation eye contact through the mirror. I am ok with that, but while I am doing my busiess of the day…leave me alone! This is not a time to ask how my day is going, if I am enjoying the weather, etc. It is a time to get a project complete and move on to the rest of my day. Anything more than that…is just plain creepy.