The other day, I am pulling into the Kroger parking lot to make a quick milk (and ice cream even though it was not on the list) run for my wife. In my search for that up close spot that is 5 feet away from that spot that is just too far away, I go down my favorite isle to find a parking spot right towards the front! It’s my lucky day! I don’t have to exert the extra energy that it takes to walk 20 feet thanks to this incredibly close white line, rectangle home for my truck. I turn the corner and what do I find? A grocery cart sitting in the middle of the parking spot.

You have to be freaking kidding me? What is it about people that make them believe that this kind of behavior in a modern society is acceptable? Why do they think that they are so incredibly awesome that the rules of normal grocery cart usage does not apply to them? Do they really think it is ok to leave their empty grocery cart in a parking spot and drive away when the kind people at Kroger have made a metal enclosure built for grocery cart containment just 15 feet away from your parking spot? To make matters worse…the grocery store has made MULTIPLE stations that their sole purpose is to contain these roll-able, car denting, space taking carts so that you do not have to make your lazy ass walk too far away from your motor vehicle.

Remember the days when there wasn’t a metal containment area and you had to walk the cart all the way back into the store? I swear that we have more rogue carts now than we did then and this is all on the heals of trying to make cart return an easier process. I really have a hard time believing that the general population is still that selfish. What goes through the head of a typical consumer as they leave their empty cart in a parking spot. Are they just too lazy to walk? Do they think they are above the rules? Or do they just not care?

I hope that karma steps in and every time they leave a grocery cart in a parking lot their next trip to the grocery store is going to include a rogue cart leaving a huge scratch and dent on their car. Sooner or later…they would have to get annoyed enough and put 2 and 2 together. We could change the behavior of one selfish ass one dent at a time until their beautiful BMW looks like a beater.

I have to give credit where credit is due. Whoever thought up of this idea is a genius if you really think about it. Let’s take the average consumer and convince them that is it a great idea to do a job that we used to do for them! You go through your local grocery store picking up your favorite food items of the week. You notice that you do not have that many processed food fun, so you head to this glorious area known as the self checkout line. In this marvelous area, you get to play checkout clerk! You know…that hourly wage, high school job that you always wanted but never had. So you go up and wait in line at this fantastic source of personal fulfillment and realize that there are others…just like you…that want to partake in the joy of doing a job that you have zero experience in!

In front of you…you have…Mr. I Am Impatient. He came to this do your own work area with a full cart of a months worth of groceries! He truly believes that checking his own items out is much faster than waiting behind two people in line. Of course it is..with his unbelievable scanning and bagging speed of 2 items a  minute. He would be already on his quest for the scanning and bagging championship, but he is still waiting on the “I don’t know how to use a touch screen” lady who is stuck on the payment screen with no idea how to get past it.

And there you are…with 5 small food items just trying to get out of the store, so what do you do? You switch over to another line hoping that you have some kind of bagging expert that will get done fast enough so that you can get home to watch The Family Guy. As you switch into another line, you just get more annoyed to find out that the mom in front of you thinks that it would be a fun game to let the 5 year old son check out her groceries! Fantastic! Isn’t child labor outlawed in the United States?!

Finally…you make it up to the checkout center and you start scanning your delicious food items. You scan “BEEP” and you set it in the bag. Wait…can’t move onto the next piece of taste bud bliss…the weight pad didn’t recognize your last piece of culinary art! Here comes the self checkout helper employee with their super annoyed “can you really not scan and place?” face on ready to scan their card and override your gigantic food scanning mistake.

After all of this…you finally get your receipt and head out the door 10 minutes later than you would have been if you had just gotten in line and enjoyed some small talk with a checkout cashier. What do you get for doing your own work? Nothing! No 5% off for working at Publix for 15 minutes…no “thank you” for contributing to the cost reduction for the company…all you get is the extreme annoyance of going to work when you want to purchase something!

I want to enact a 10% discount to all self checkouters who get out in an efficient manner. I believe its earned since you were actually put to work!